The Problem with Being Goody-goody

(Posted Sunday, May 3, 2009 at 2:04am)

I grew up for more than half of my life serving in the ministry (not in Victory). I’ve been in kid’s ministry, music, preaching, outreach even in church maintenance… As trained, I have always put church activities over everything in life and I was quite successful. For the most part, I’ve always been the good boy. I’ve tried to obey all the rules within, and even outside the bible. There was a time I was in church seven days a week- crushing the very commandment of God to take a Sabbath. I almost rewrote all the books of the bible by hand (I know your laughing… but I’m not joking… I almost did). I’ve fasted for days when it was required of me. I prayed overnight when it was demanded of me. I praised and worshipped for hours and hours when the “spirit” led us to do so. My teaching gift left the people who listened to me utterly blessed. I smiled when I needed to and was stern when the leadership wants me to- regardless of who was hurt in the process. I’ve mastered the art of church ethics… craftily discerning which button to push and which to avoid. Indeed, it has given me great favor in the eyes of many. In fact, the majority saw me as a “good” example.
But the Lord saw differently.
In secret, I was a slave to pornography and all the lustful desires that came with it. Deep inside, I was trapped in a vicious cycle of condemnation and, contrary to what I’m preaching, never had a concrete understanding of the power nor the meaning of salvation. Day by day, I hated myself and wished that each day was the last. I became emotionally dependent to people to the death of me and became bitter against those who do not love me back. Rage consumed me during my private moments- I remember one time seeing a poster with the name of Jesus inscribed on it, and in my anger, took it and tore it pieces. I felt destined for a fall. My external righteousness did not lead to inner victories. In retrospect, in my so-called service to God… I was actually serving the devil.
But nobody knew. My gifts efficiently masqueraded my flaws. In my mind I had to stand tall for the people who are looking up to me- or so I thought. So I continued on with the show. But just like any other show… in the end, I had to take a bow. And when I was ready to do so, when I gave up on myself, God provided a way out.
First He lead me out of a church system that puts premium on good works over the finished work of Christ at the cross. He also planted me in a genuinely bible-based church and in an unorthodox small group where I was and is being mentored to obey Christ... its also a place where I was able to live in honesty (Meaning: minus the need to be goody-goody) with my covenant brothers as I walk the path of Christ. As of the moment, though I’m still a work in progress I would have to say I’ve become a far cry to the person I was before.

What inspired me to write this blog was a comment I’ve heard from a friend of mine who lamented over someone in church whom she thought was about to commit a grave mistake… She said, “The person was such a good example”… That phrase (not the person said) actually mirrored who I was before and it got me thinking.. What really is our standard or measure of a good example?

Is it perfect church attendance? Having a pleasing personality? Sharing all the miracles and wonders and ever living on a mountaintop experience with God? Is it the ability to quote the scriptures from genesis to revelation?

Probably.

But as I’ve studied the life of the Pharisees, who were the so-called goody-goodies during the time of Jesus, and by living a life so similar to them, I’ve noticed some pattern:
1.) Pharisees tend to put too much premium on conformity and external niceness. They can become very efficient in the ministry and in the social circuit but when it comes to more important and deep-seated matters such as mercy, forgiveness, humility, waiting and grace, they fall short.
2.) Pharisees also tend to hold others to such high moral standards which they themselves don’t follow in secret. They reward those who conform while being quick to judge those whose sins are not hidden. In the process, the people under them were trained to be really nice on the outside, but- lo and behold- holds such dark skeletons on the inside.
3.) Unlike the prostitutes and tax collectors whose issues are out in the open and can easily be dealt with by God, the Pharisees, because of their good works, charisma, pleasing personality, influence, knowledge, strong gifts and abilities, tend to escape correction of their “true” internal issues (like bitterness, pride, arrogance, demonic mental strongholds). It takes a leader who’s walking in the power of the Spirit to discern and confront such people, and during extreme situations, when such a prophet do appear, the Pharisees vehemently retaliates, attacking the personality instead of digesting the message- even quoting the very Words of God to defend their plight.
4.) Pharisees depend on external human authority to lead their lives instead of walking in the Holy Spirit. They go against the work of God by “forcibly” setting rules and guidelines on people instead of letting them go through the process of falling and being crushed by the Spirit. When “warning people” is being replaced by “controlling people”, there’s definitely another spirit at work- and its not from God. In fact, its actually a spirit taking the place of God in people’s lives.
5.) Pharisees although are flourishing in their religion, apart from Christ, are actually like pigs waiting to be slaughtered. We can only rely on our gifts and abilities for some time but when the day of evil comes, what’s done in darkness will be shouted in daytime. And in the aftermath of a fall, you’ll be surprised how the damage to the church or to themselves cannot compare to all their good works combined.

Bottom line is the Pharisees, yes even the Pharisees, of which I am one of the worst, need Christ.
Now, let me make myself clear. I’m not against ministry work nor any other good works. In fact with the right motives and the right heart, I’m actually for it. But church activities and social fellowships at the end of the day should spur “Christ-like” attitudes not “soulish” goodness. When people are captivated and led by external goody-goodies without checking for fruit of the Spirit we fall into a lie and a trap. No wonder Jesus himself warned us, “Beware of the Yeast of the Pharisees” (which is hypocrisy).
In time and in pain, I realized that a good example is actually patterned not on man’s seemingly good works but after Christ’s example… Most often, these are examples Not easily noticed by the multitudes. They’re not announced with trumpets and thunderstorms, not with awards and recognitions, but usually happens in the shadows and in private…

When you choose to let go and wholly forgive someone who hurted you deeply in reverence of God… That’s Christ.
When you choose to be silent instead of offensively retaliating in the midst of what you think is an unfair accusation… That’s Christ.
When you choose to expose your sin when you have all the opportunities to cover it… That’s Christ.
When you choose to say NO to your heart because God says so even when your whole being just wants to give in… That’s Christ.
When you choose to believe and claim the goodness of God even if the circumstance tells you to do otherwise… That’s Christ.
When after a severe correction, instead of lambasting your leader, you go back to God saying, “Father I’ve sinned”… That’s Christ.
When the enemy tells you… you’re good for nothing… you’re a failure… you won’t make it… And you respond, I’m a son of God… My Father has given me a hope and a future…. That’s Christ.


The problem with being externally goody-goody is its not real, its just a religious illusion. The tax collectors, the Samaritans and the prostitutes, in spite of being detestable in the eyes of many, all went ahead of the Pharisees in the Kingdom of God simply because they came just as they are in all their weaknesses and frailties minus the pretensions… and as they were changed and loved by God “at their inner core”… the world was changed.

I say these things not as someone who knows better but as someone who was the worst. I wrote the following in my journal last April 7, 2006. That was the day after I decided to step down on my ministry, which was my “Isaac” of sorts, to focus on a personal walk with Christ. It was both the worst and the best day of my life. (Side note: it was also the time I transferred to Victory). I remember writing this article in tears, it said “As for me, I’m laying down all my pastoral ambitions, all my fears of losing public respect… All gifts and knowledge… I lay them all down in exchange for truth in my life. No more acting. I have to be free from fear and failure. This I’ve got to do. Jesus hold me tight…”

And Jesus did held me tight. The evidence? I’m still here.