Word For The Day: "BETRAYED?"

Word For The Day: "BETRAYED?"
(Posted Saturday, May 9, 2009 at 3:35am)

My cousin was an illegitimate child. He was born just right before my uncle was married to another woman. His mom, because of tremendous pain and heartache, left for the province and raised her son alone. The Father and son never met. Until that fateful day.

We were 14 years old then. My Lola came back here from the states and her arrival spelled happy reunion for the family… Randy (not his real name) came here in Manila to join us. One night, my Lola planned to bring Randy to his Dad’s house so both of them could meet each other at long last. That news energized Randy. In spite of the fact that his Dad was absent for most of his life (and I would assume did not even give a time of day to find him nor be with him)- He yearned to see his dad… You can see the excitement in his eyes. He wore his best shirt and sprayed on his one and only cologne. He looked in the mirror several times, wanting to look his best during their first meeting. When we arrived at my Uncle’s house, my Lola and my Mom went ahead inside (to serve as an advance party perhaps) while Randy and I waited in the car. That half an hour wait was like eternity for Randy. He was both ecstatic and nervous . He wasn’t able to sit still and his hands were mildly shaking.
I can perfectly relate with that because I also saw my father for the first time when I was around 13 years old. And prior to that, in my mind I only had a ghostly image of my father which was based on old photographs and rusty phone calls (well, remember the pre-internet days?). And for some reason, not seeing him in person and not growing up with him somehow created a dent in my own identity, as if there’s something missing. And at that time for Randy, that missing part was about to unfold. Age-old questions in his young mind was about to be answered. Soon he was about to see his Dad. And as he was gearing for that very moment, my Lola and my Mom went back to the car and instructed the driver to head back home. And when we asked why, they told us my Uncle was not available. So Randy just bit his lip and was silent. But I know in his heart he was crushed.

I learned later on the real reason why… That night, when my Lola and my Mom talked with my Uncle, he instructed them take Randy away for fear of offending his wife and other kids. His logic: he already made a mistake once so he wont dare risk the peace of his current family now. And with that he passed on the opportunity to meet his son.

Come to think of it, Randy just wanted to see his dad… that was all he wanted… not the money… not the benefits of having a full time father… he just wanted to see him… unfortunately even this was not given to him.
Although Randy never knew the truth, but as for me, his pain became mine.


I was reading Luke 18:15… it says “People were also bringing babies to Jesus to have him touch them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus CALLED the CHILDREN to HIM and said, “Let the little children COME TO ME…”

I remembered Randy in this verse… And all the other kids who were like him… who were like us.

Christ, when He came here on earth was the perfect representation of the Father Heart of God and his message to all of us little children- recipients of pain or betrayal either by others or by our own doings- remain as crystal clear as before…. “COME TO ME”… And as we do He said that he will NEVER turn us down…

Almost fifteen years have passed, Randy and his Father have yet to meet in person. The last time I’ve heard from him was he already migrated abroad and already has a family of his own.

As for my Uncle, to be honest, I never quite grasped the logic that he had regarding what happened. My sentiments would always fall for the children in this kind of situation. But talking to my Mom (who herself have been through the worst things in life and back) actually gave me a different perspective on his point of view. She said the main fear here is not really of offending his current family… its actually the fear of facing the truth. Seeing a grown up son that you did not rear nor supported… Seeing a son who has your lips, eyes, nose yet in reality is a stranger to you… Seeing someone whom you should have loved with your life but did not… Its like seeing Guilt face to face… and in my Uncle’s limited emotional capacity at that time… It’s a reality that he just can’t face. At least not yet. And as trivial as that reasoning may sound- using spiritual eyes- my Uncle, just like the most of us, is also a child on the inside.

Later in life i discovered I was still harboring bitterness over my parents (i came from a broken family myself). Deep inside, I felt I was always second best to them and in their long line of priorities was just one of the miscellaneous. Until a defining moment came. I remember vividly having a heartfelt talk with my Mom, she told me a time she saw us (children) lying on the bed and she thought of all the mistakes she did in the past and the things we endured as a consequence... the pain became too strong she had to stop thinking otherwise she felt she was going to lose her mind.. I remembered also having a similar conversation with my Dad. All along when i thought i was the only one whose suffering for the mistake they did, on the inside they too are suffering deeply- perhaps even suffering more. I heard the Spirit whispering from within, "Jeff stop being the victim and be the champion. Be God's champion for your family. Let them go".
Amazingly, as I let them off the hook... eventually I was the one who was freed.

Its true, to be betrayed by people who should have loved you can be the worst place you can ever be… But it can also be the best place if it leads you to the One who loves you truly… unconditionally… eternally.

And as you rise from being a victim to a champion you'll discover there's a price...

Let them go.